OK, I admit I lied. Chicken Salad Chick is decidedly unmasculine. But I appreciate that. They are honest about it. They admit they cater to, well, chicks. Their bathrooms are named “Chicks” and “Chick Magnets.” I love it. They are not catering to androgynous, metrosexual pussies. They are recognizing gender dichotomies. They cater to chicks. They serve guys, but in doing so they praise them for sacrificing their preferences for their ladies. As such, the following is posted in the women’s bathroom.
Damn straight I’d rather be at a BBQ joint. But my wife said, “could we go to Chicken Salad Chick? That would make me very happy.” I know what that means.
Thank God some ladies are recognizing that a man who sacrifices his preferences for his wife or girlfriend should be thanked for that. He is a Rock-Star. He’s a Superhero.
I will admit I was surprised by the food. I expected to still be hungry after leaving. As a large, hairy, muscular, perennial 5-o’clock shadow bearer, who works out every day I am not easily sated by salads and fruit. I require meat. Shove it down my gullet, please and thank you.
I ordered the “Chick-Trio” which is three different scoops of chicken salad. I was amazed how full I was afterwards. Truly. And I was further amazed to find out I had not just secretly eaten 5,000 calories. Chicken Salad Chick actually advertises how little mayo they use.
Furthermore, Chicken Salad Chick advertises their historic connection with a mainstay of libertarianism, The Ludwig Von Mises Institute. For those of you who don’t know, libertarianism is dominated by males, as far as I can tell because it is in women’s nature to crave security at the expense of freedom. Just a point of appreciation, not promotion.
So what can I say? Yes, I dined at a chick place. I even debased myself so as to eat (gulp)—salad. I should be ashamed of myself. But I’m actually not. I can just as easily say, “Yeah, I ate at Chicken Salad Chick. They serve healthy food so I can help maintain my six-pack (I wish), and it’s basically all meat. Are you against eating meat, pussy?” I’m going to go there and engage in a mainstay of masculinity—ordering meat by the pound.
So take your woman to Chicken Salad Chick. At least she’ll be surrounded by women who are encouraged to appreciate their men for their sacrifices. That’s a rare thing these days.